Wacky weird talent show
by Destinys Secret
Summary: Hogwarts is having it's first ever Talent Show but this is one show with a twist. (a bit of swearing in it)


A/N This is my first Harry Potter fic and I REALLY hope you's like it! It was originally for a challenge for DiosaDeOrquesta's fanfic, Dark Prince but I was a little late and I changed a few things so here it is now!!! Please R/R  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry first ever Talent Show. First prize of 1000 galleons, 500 points to the winners house and a trophy. This Friday evening held in the Great Hall. All students MUST attend. See Professor McGonagall for an entry form," read Hermione from the just-posted sign on the notice board of Gryfindor Common Room.  
  
"Wow! Just imagine, Harry! 1000 galleons, 500 points to Gryfindor AND a trophy! I reckon we could pull this one off! How about it Harry? asked Ron in an overly excited voice.  
  
"Ha! That's what you think young Ronald," interupted Fred. "We have an act planned to blow the hall down!" continued Gorge.  
  
If you'd ever read Hogwarts: A History, like I told you time and time again, you'd know that it is close to impossible for the Great Hall to explode."  
  
"Hermione, it's an expression. Why would we want to read a book when we've got a living one with arms, legs and a mouth walking around Hogwarts." With that, Fred and Gorge walked off talking.  
  
Hermione looked awed, "REALLY?! WHERE?!" she called after them but they were already out of hearing range.  
  
"Ummmm...Hermione, they were referring to you." "Hmph!" she replied and at that Hermione stormed over to the portrait door and called over her shoulder in a pissed off voice, "If anyone should want to speak to the human book, she'll be in the library getting more references." She left the common room slamming the portrait door shut.  
  
"Well she hardly needed to tell us where she was going....Harry! You and I HAVE to beat Fred and Gorge at the Talent Show. We need something so amazing, so unreal, so..." "I'm not entering, Ron," Harry cut in.  
  
"WHAT?! But you HAVE to!" "No, it just said you have to attend, not enter." "I didn't mean that! I mean we have to enter to beat the twins and win first prize!" "I'm not entering. End of story. You can enter if you like but count me out. I'm tired. Goodnight." He left staring dumbstruck after him.  
  
'It's alright for him to say' he thought to himself. 'He hasn't lived his whole life trying to compete against five older brothers.' He knew perfectly well that Harry had actually grown up in a far worse situation and he felt guilty comparing the death of Harry's parents and cruelty of his Uncle, Aunty and cousin to the competition Ron always tried to win.  
  
He certainly wasn't tired and he had nothing else to do so he decided to visit Hermione in the library.  
  
When he approached her 10 minutes later, he found she still hadn't cooled off. "Hello, Ronald Weasly. Welcome to the complete living book of witches, wizards, charms, spells and creatures. Which page would you like to learn from me today?" She said in a sarcastic voice.  
  
"Gee, Hermione. I only wanted to talk to you but if you're still shitty about the book thing then maybe I should just leave. You know you're lucky to be as smart as you are! You have a perfect life!"  
  
"PERFECT?! How can you say that?! Teachers dated me, my parents hated me hated me. Who do you think I am? God damn Britney Spears?!"  
  
Ron stared at her blankly, completely confused as to what she had just said. "No teacher has ever dated you, your parents ceratinly don't hate you and you the FUCK is Britney Spears?!" He finally replied.  
  
Britney Spears is just a slutty muggle singer, I don't know what I was on about when I said that about my parents but....well...I actually....uh....have.....dated a teacher."  
  
Ron looked horrified. "I'm not gonna ask if you just said what I think you just said because I know it's what you just said....oh what the heck. Did you you just say what I think you just said?!"  
  
She grinned shyly, "Uh, yeah. I have dated a teacher before." Ron suddenly went dead white, "WHAT?! WHO?!" "Ummm....maybe it's best if you didn't know. Goodbye!" and with that she disappersated. "Hey! I thought you couldn't do that in school grounds!" he thought aloud. Hermione suddenly apperated in front of him, said "Well you can now!" and dissaperated again.  
  
All Ron could do was stand there dewildered when a fairy godmother appeared in front of him and said, "Now click your heels together 3 times and repeat 'There's no place like home' " "Ummm....sorry miss. You've got the wrong set. You're looking for the Teletubbies....hang on....maybe it was Seseme Street....oh well whatever it was it isn't this. This is Harry Potter," then he added under his breath a jumble of words complaining that HE couldn't have a show named after him.  
  
The fairy godmother sighed angrily and said, "Look, ipunk/i, this is the forth fuckin set I've been to! I went to Lord Of The Rings, Sweet Home Alabama, 8 Mile and now this. I'm tired, I'm exhausted and I'm stresed out so just goddam do what I say and click you're heels and say the fucking words!"  
  
Ron obeyed and all of a suden he was dressed in a tutu and ballet slippers.  
  
"Oops...wrong kind of slippers, wrong costume." There was a pop and he was wearing a ball gown and clear glass slippers. "I STILL can't get a simple fucking spell right! Fuck it! Oh well, just use that!"  
  
Ron did what he was told and clicked his heels together saying, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home," and with that there was a pop and he was gone.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~* A/N I REALLY hope you liked it! Please R/R and another chapter will be posted soon. 


End file.
